Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
