do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
