i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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