her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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