woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
