The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
