Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was like eating out sand paper
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize