Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's like heaven, but drunker
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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