dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
