The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
