I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
