I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
