I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
