you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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