I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
