better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
