i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
