Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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