she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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