How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
