first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
