I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
