i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
