i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
