i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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