i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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