god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
