my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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