I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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