first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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