he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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