Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
