What did we do last night that was yellow?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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