Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
