Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
