It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
