He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
