I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They have beer where we have blood.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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