Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
