tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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