Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
