I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
