so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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