sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
