watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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