Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
