dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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