That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
