Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
