you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
