apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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