why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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