During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
