evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
