I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
