I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
