fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
