Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize