Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
