I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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