Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
