I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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