life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
