But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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