The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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