come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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