I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
