Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
