i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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