I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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