No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
