you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
