get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize