you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
