birth control should be required to get into college
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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