I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
