i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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