I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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