I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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